Fed To Intervene For Homeless

(Conspiracy Nation, 03/12/08) – The “Federal” Reserve, chaired by Ben Bernanke, plans to intervene on behalf of homeless persons. Unknown stockholders of the privately-owned central bank have persuaded Bernanke and the Board of Governors to help alleviate the sufferings of street people.

The move is being criticized in some quarters as socialist intervention into the free markets. But Bernanke responded, “These are human beings. They are priceless. They cannot be allowed to fail.”

And so, the Bernanke Quickie-Loan Marts will soon be providing relief. These “Fed” cash-in-a-flash outlets have been previously reported upon by Conspiracy Nation. (“Bernanke's 'Cash In A Flash'”, http://www.shout.net/~bigred/CashFlash.html). Now, they will be welcoming the huddled masses to their doors, not just bankers in limousines. Homeless persons will be able to push their shopping carts to the Bernanke Quickie-Loan Marts and the “Crazy Professor” will gladly shovel heaps of cash into their vehicles. His assistant, “Uncle Al” Greenspan will also be handing out mystery “M3” balloons, some of which will have surprise cash hidden inside.

There is also the possibility that the working poor, crushed by higher food prices, will soon be welcomed to the Bernanke Quickie-Loan Marts. Fannie Mae, yet another satisfied customer of the Bernanke bail-out system, has reportedly urged the “Fed” to intervene. One Fannie Mae source, speaking on condition of anonymity, confided, “The people are getting lean-and-hungry looks, like in Julius Caesar. If they become too weak to slave away, what then? How would they support Fannie Mae?”

Also, to impede the waning strength of the working poor, a national health care system is under consideration. The fear is that poor health of workers will diminish productivity and hurt the stock markets. This cannot be allowed. Bernanke and the “Fed” may be opening Quickie-Insurance Marts in the near future.

The bottom line is, soon we will all be millionaires. Dubya Bush and the U.S. Congress have also entered the fray. Cash stimulus money will be arriving at American doorsteps, delivered by the U.S. mail. All that heavy lifting of cash, however, may necessitate an increase in postal rates. First-class stamps at 50-cents each? Stay tuned. (This has been a satire. Some statements not true.)

Conspiracy Nation

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