Too Much Ice Cream

(Conspiracy Nation, 02/03/08) – We are drowning in a sea of love. A conjunction of Super Bowl, Super Tuesday, and Fat Tuesday (Mardi Gras) spells trouble, according to the Conspiracy Nation radar. Ice cream is okay, but too much of it leaves you sluggish and controllable.

The endless ice cream began in the autumn of 2007. Until then, it had been unheard of for a presidential campaign to begin over a year before the actual election. The 2008 election takes place in 2008, not 2007. For four months now we have been force-fed celebrity coverage of mostly lawyers on parade. Gone are the days of William McKinley, who did not campaign but sat on his front porch.

What sort of person would campaign for jury duty? Wouldn't you be suspicious of that, someone pushing to be chosen for jury duty? But being president is also akin: public service, supposedly, i.e., a thankless task.

Too much ice cream and not enough vegetables is the root cause of American malaise. All the indecipherable health news boils down to Americans not eating daily vegetables. Think about all the restaurants. Which of them headlines themselves as “best vegetables in town”? And where are the statistics, in this intense world of exact measurements, on American's daily vegetable intake? Has it declined over the years? Could that, instead of second-hand tobacco smoke, be a major health factor? We do not know.

Vegetables do not have to be an exquisite affair. Do not be tricked by the yuppie dining mystique, where all meals have to be an ultimate orgasm. This editor just steams brussel sprouts, green peppers, carrots, and tomatoes in a pot for ten minutes, throws it in a bowl, and adds some salad dressing. An added benefit is, with Ben Bernanke shoveling paper money into the economic furnace and sending inflation sky-high, simple reliance on plain vegetables will save you money.

What are the various candidates positions on vegetables? Why hasn't this been asked? Why isn't their daily diet being scrutinized? Which candidate eats the most vegetables and which eats the least? Why has no photo-op shown a candidate eating vegetables? Remember: You are what you eat.

Tonight's Super Bowl match-up will coincide with an ice cream feast in American households. Besides ice cream, salty snacks, beer and beef will be consumed. The rah-rah portrayals will not show someone eating a carrot and watching the combatants on a 19-inch television having rabbit ears. Also coinciding is a decades-long trend of vicarious exercise. Americans increasingly do not seriously workout. (Sure, they'll join a fitness club. But what do they do there? They talk. Also, plenty of super-duper TVs are present at the facilities.) Instead, they watch others do so, as if you can benefit by osmosis.

So these coincidences, including the grouping of Fat Tuesday, Super Bowl, and Super Tuesday, spell trouble ahead, as tracked by the Conspiracy Nation radar. And is it merely coincidence that the Super Tuesday primaries have been slipped in to be at this point in time? Look out. Something's cooking, and it's not vegetables.

Conspiracy Nation

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