Puritan Hat Convoy Plan
(Conspiracy
Nation, 06/15/08) – James
Howard Kunstler had been listening to old country/western songs. The
1975 “Convoy” song by C.W. McCall came on the air. “Yeah, we
definitely got us the front door good buddy, Mercy sakes alive, looks
like we got us a convoy .”
“That's it!” exclaimed Kunstler, sitting bolt upright in his chair. “A convoy, but this time wearing Puritan hats!” (Image, left)
The wearing of Puritan hats had been vaguely formulating in Kunstler's mind. (Background: “The Machine Stops,” http://www.shout.net/~bigred/MachineStops.html). Now, the “Convoy” song had triggered a brainstorm.
But how to implement the idea? Kunstler decided to phone Tim Russert, the Jesuit-trained journalist. Russert liked the Puritan Hat Convoy Plan, but warned Kunstler to keep things low. “My arch-enemy, Dark Lord Cheney, will stop at nothing!” advised Russert.
Puritan hats began to be ordered in huge quantities. It would take awhile for them to be delivered. In the meantime, worldwide trucker convoys began to get underway. Truckers tore up all their “swindle sheets” and left them sitting on the scales. Friday, June 13th, was to be the big day. Truckers would drive slow on highways to protest high gas prices.
But Dark Lord Cheney had other plans. With Dubya Bush in Rome, converting to Catholicism, Cheney arrived at the White House and notified Dubya he was “taking command” of the U.S. government. Capital communications were shut down on Friday the 13th, disguised by a massive power outage. Dark Lord Cheney convened Washington power brokers to negotiate the deal, among them Tim Russert. But Russert knew the Puritan Hat Convoy Plan would be altering the delicate horse trading, so he refused to play along with the Cheney scheme. (“Bush Converts To Catholicism As Cheney Power Grab Leaves Top US Newsman Dead,” http://www.whatdoesitmean.com/index1107.htm)
Russert left the power brokers negotiations and went to the NBC newsroom, prepared to play his part in the breaking “convoy” disruptions. In Britain, rolling roadblocks, some as slow as 10 mph, were joined by bus drivers and farmers in tractors. “But where are the Puritan hats?” they inquired. “On order,” came the reply. In South Korea, truckers “had their ears on” and “shot the line”, going for broke. Spanish and Portuguese truckers joined the cause. In Argentina, highways were blockaded by those furious about rising fuel prices.
Tim Russert was set to report favorably on the “convoy” situation. But then, an assistant entered the room. “You have a phone call from Dark Lord Cheney,” Russert was advised. And that is how Tim Russert really died. Not from a “heart attack” but due to a “cell phone seizure,” the same method used against Senator Ted Kennedy. (Background: “Cell Phone Attacked Ted Kennedy?” http://www.shout.net/~bigred/CellPhone.html)
Now, the situation is uncertain. With key support from Tim Russert no longer available, hopes rely on the Puritan hats. When will they arrive?
(Preceding is a satire, not literally true.)
Conspiracy Nation
http://www.shout.net/~bigred/cn.html