Surly Sheikh Denies Photos

(Conspiracy Nation, 06/05/08) – It has been noticed that Khalid Sheikh Mohammed (image, left), accused mastermind of the September 11, 2001 (9/11) trauma, has only allowed a single photo of himself to be taken for several years now.

Wondering why only this single photo (image, left) has been allowed by the Sheikh, a reporter was dispatched to interview Khalid Sheikh Mohammed.

Arriving at the Guantanamo facility at the crack of dawn, the reporter confronted the Sheikh, who seemed much as in the above photo, as if he hadn't yet had morning coffee.

“Why is it, Khalid Sheikh, that you have allowed only one photo of yourself to be taken, for several years now?” asked the reporter.

To this, the surly Sheikh replied, “It is part of my hatred for Americans. I allow only a single photo so as to starve their lifestyle.”

Asked to expand on this, the Sheikh elaborated, “I have lived my life amidst camels and sand dunes. Meanwhile, I witnessed the happy Americans and their sumptuous lifestyle and their many photos. My envy increased day by day. Finally, I could not stand it. I decided to destroy their happiness and decrease my envy.”

The reporter continued, “And so, you deprive Americans of additional photos of yourself as a way to further decrease their happiness and reduce your envy of them?”

“Yes! Yes!” the Sheikh exclaimed. “Oooh, how I hate and envy all things of the Americans.”

“How have they been treating you here?” asked the reporter.

“There is torture here!” shouted the Sheikh. “They have a box. They call this box the 'cable tv.' I am forced to watch this box. It shows the sumptuous lifestyle of the happy Americans. My envy increases from this 'cable tv' box until I cannot stand it!”

But the surly Sheikh then smiled. “The Americans beg me for more pictures, but I hate them and refuse. The Vanity Fair magazine wanted to do a photo shoot. They kept saying, 'artistic, artistic.' They offered me fine clothes from the decadent western fashions.”

“And this is why you smile?” inquired the reporter.

“Yes,” replied the Sheikh. “I smile at how I deprived the Vanity Fair magazine of the photo shoot. I smile at how I deprive the Americans of my photos.”

(Preceding is a satire, not literally true.)

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