Persian Gulf War Movie

(Conspiracy Nation, 3/24/02) -- Belatedly, Oliver Stone's film "Platoon" unleashed a stream of Vietnam War movies in the 1980s. Until then, the war movies had a World War II theme. It took about twenty years after the event until war movies centered on Vietnam.

It's now been over ten years since the Persian Gulf War. Like with the Vietnam War movie situation, there's been an hiatus between the actual event and the moviemaking machinery.

If the gap between Vietnam and the war movies about it is any indication, then in the not-too-distant future we'll see a trend toward war movies with the Persian Gulf War as the focus.

Brainstorming for ideas, let's guess how the first Persian Gulf War movie will unfold:

-- A U.S. ambassador meets privately with Saddam Hussein in 1990. She tells Hussein that the U.S. has no objection if Iraq invades Kuwait..... Hmmm.... No, scratch that.

-- Kuwait slant drills for oil, pushes their drills at a slant into Iraqi territory, effectively stealing Iraq's oil. Um, nope. Let's try again.

-- A business deal between Saddam Hussein and Sir George Bush goes wrong... Let's leave that scenario to Oliver Stone (who has strangely disappeared lately).

-- Satan Saddam and his Imps rape Virgin Kuwait and a crying Virgin Kuwait calls upon Clark Kent/Superman to avenge her honor. Yeah! That'll work! Then Sir George Bush proclaims a "New World Order", Clark Kent turns into Superman, we charge into Iraq, get halfway to Baghdad, then turn around and go home.... Ummm, wait a minute. We'll just have to start over.

-- Satan Saddam and his Imps, etcetera, then we charge into Kuwait and chase off the Evil Iraqis. The soldiers return to a heroes welcome, then begin dying of a strange ailment called "Gulf War Syndrome." They ask the government for help and the government tells them, "There is no 'Gulf War Syndrome.'" ....ummm, let's start again.

-- Satan Saddam and his Imps, Evil Iraqis, defeat of the Evildoers, USA "standing tall." Leave out that stuff about US/UN sanctions and 500,000 starved Iraqi children. We'll have Madeline Albright in a cameo appearance, like Eisenhower with the troops. That'll please the feminists. We can insert a romance, to draw teenage girls into the theaters.

Coming soon to a theater near you: "Persian Gulf War: The Movie", directed by Sylvester Stallone.