Rense Returns On Lupercalia

(Conspiracy Nation, 02/15/07) – The Rense web site is back online, following concerns it may have been targeted as part of a “crackdown.” (See “Is It 'The Crackdown'?”, http://www.shout.net/~bigred/Crackdown.html) Oddly, the site returns on the ancient Roman Lupercalia holiday.

February 15th, the day after Valentine's Day, was also called “Februatio,” meaning “to purify.” Lupercalia is connected with apotropaic magic. (“Lupercalia,” Wikipedia reference, February 15, 2007)

The creature imaged above is not directly connected with Lupercalia. It is what Russia's Chairman of the Anomalous Phenomena Service, Andrei Gorodovoi, calls “an anomalous being.” Fishermen in the Rostov region of Russia caught the weird creature last month, and used a cell phone camera to film it. The bizarre catch reportedly weighed about 100 kilograms. (“Russian fishermen catch squeaking alien and eat it,” translated by Dmitry Sudakov. Pravda, February 7, 2007)

Since Gorodovoi belongs to the Anomalous Phenomena Service, of course he would call the weird creature “an anomalous being.” But fans of H.P. Lovecraft may recognize it as Cthulhu. Lovecraft's “Cthulhu mythos” revolves around the concept that we humans are very petty and puny creatures, surrounded in infinite space-time by entities totally unsympathetic to us. (Robert Anton Wilson, Everything Is Under Control). And Cthulhu, most awesome of all, is an undersea creature.

So what did the Russian fishermen do with Cthulhu? THEY ATE CTHULHU!!! “One of the men said that it was the most delicious dish he had ever eaten.” (http://english.pravda.ru/science/mysteries/07-02-2007/87167-alien_monster-0)

Now ask yourself this: Are these the sort of people – people who would unconcernedly dare to eat Cthulhu – the sort that the USA would want to tangle with? Obviously not. We definitely do not want a war with any Cthulhu eaters. And yet, due to unremitting provocational propaganda centered on Iran, America could be drawn into such a Lovecraftian nightmare.

Russia will never sit still for an American invasion of Iran. Would we acquiesce to a Russian invasion of Mexico, cloaked by Moscow's concerns about Mexico building a nuclear reactor? (“If we don't stop them there, next they will be invading Mother Russia.”)

It may be Cthulhu who is responsible for the so-called global warming. For some reason, however, Al Gore and others are fixated upon fossil fuels as the culprit. Could this mania have anything to do with inter-dimensional beings, totally unsympathetic to us, who have gained control over weaker minds?

During the winter of 1927-1928, government officials “made a strange and secret investigation of certain conditions in the ancient Massachusetts seaport of Innsmouth.” A peculiar secret cult, The Esoteric Order Of Dagon, had engulfed the town. Persons in the town were noticed to have “staring, unwinking eyes which one never saw shut,” as do Al Gore and Steve Forbes. These people swam a great deal, out to a reef, at night. Swimming back were shambling, uncouth, crouching fish-like creatures -- “anomalous beings,” as Andre Gorodovoi would say. They served the Old Ones, who offered tribute to Great Cthulhu. (“The Shadow Over Innsmouth,” by H.P. Lovecraft. Note: “Fiction” yes, but holding nuggets of truth.)

Consider Al Gore and Steve Forbes. Michael Moore correctly observed how the eyes of Forbes, like those of a fish, never blink. Gore also bears the aspect of an aquatic vertebrate. Do Gore and Forbes swim out to the reef at night? Do they secretly serve Mighty Cthulhu?

Jeff Rense read the February 7th Pravda report on the “anomalous being” caught by the Russian fishermen. Instantly he realized the true situation: “The fools! They have brought forth Cthulhu!” Rense exclaimed. The subsequent February 8th “hard drive failure” which shut down his website for several days is only the mask for a deeper counter-attack against Cthulhu. Shrewd analysts at the alt.conspiracy newsgroup were not fooled. “Just a hard drive problem?” questioned one. “Even the rense.com's hosting company's website [thehostpros.com] went out! And it doesn't take days to replace a hard drive.” Clearly, something more than a “hard drive failure” was responsible.

What really happened with the vanished web site can now be revealed. Jeff Rense realized all his efforts must be focused against Cthulhu and his minions. Absolutely no energy could be diverted from the fight. Accordingly, the web site had to go offline. But what could Rense say? That his web site was down because he is battling Cthulhu? And so a ridiculous “hard drive failure” story was put out.

The purifying Februatio ceremonies undertaken by Rense successfully cleansed the atmosphere of all traces of Cthulhu, for the moment anyway. Culmination of the ceremonies necessarily climaxed on the ancient day of Lupercalia. With the task accomplished, Jeff Rense had to merely flick a switch to be back online.

Conspiracy Nation

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