"The Mackerel" and "The Meathead"

Image: "The Mackerel", Alan Greenspan
 Image: "The Meathead", Ben Bernanke

(Conspiracy Nation, 11/27/05) -- One is called, "The Mackerel," because he is a slippery character. There is also something fishy about Alan Greenspan of the "Federal" Reserve: It is hard to get a straight answer from him!

The other is called "The Meathead," due to his uncanny resemblance to Rob Reiner, "The Meathead" in the show, "All In The Family." Ben Bernanke, annointed as the next "Fed" chief, has been half of a Mackerel/Meathead tag team these past few years.

The M3 data will no longer be made public, beginning in March 2006. Who is responsible for the decision?

The Mackerel: "Hey, I don't know! Ask The Meathead!"
 The Meathead: "Hey, I don't
 know! Ask The Mackerel!"
     "I don't know. Ask The Meathead!"
    "I don't know. Ask The Mackerel!"

Meathead & Mackerel have been printing lots of money these past few years. Too much government debt? They will fix it. Heretofore it could be seen how many dollars they had been printing in the basement. Soon, the M3 window shades will be pulled down. Then, who will know how much money the alchemists have manufactured?

"I'm Mackerel. He's Meathead," smiles one member of the merry team. "He's Mackerel. I'm Meathead," smiles the other.

In 1987, following the stock market crash, The Mackerel was worried. "Oh dear, oh dear. Whatever shall I do?" he mumbled. Wearing carpet slippers and an accountant's visor, he paced to and fro, down there in the basement. And then he got an idea. "I know! I will print lots of new dollars!" (That is why it is called "dollar debasement," because it happens down there, in "de" basement.)

Whirrr... Ka-klang... Whirrr... Ka-klang... went the printing press. Billions of extra dollars poured out. They swam into the economy and were drawn into the stock market. "The result was a bull market in paper in both stocks and bonds... The money supply still expanded and currencies still depreciated, but we no longer called it inflation. The new term was asset bubble as we went through asset bubbles in farm land, oil, stocks and real estate in the 1980s. This was followed by additional asset bubbles in foreign bonds, emerging markets, U.S. stocks, especially technology stocks in the 1990s. In this century we now have asset bubbles in bonds, mortgages, real estate, stocks and in consumption, as reflected in a rising trade deficit." Whirrr... Ka-klang... Whirrr... Ka-klang... went the printing press. (Puplava, James J. "The Two Bens." http://www.kitco.com/ind/Puplava/oct312005.html)

The U.S. stock market skyrocketed! It went from a Dow-Jones average of 777 in 1982, to over 6000 by 1996 -- an almost 800 percent rise! "Hooray for The Mackerel!" people exclaimed.

By the year 2000, The Mackerel was growing tired. It's hard for an elderly man to be running that printing press alone! And then it happened: the NASDAQ asset bubble collapsed by more than 50 percent. There was a knock at de basement door. "What is the password?" inquired The Mackerel from within. "Holy Mackerel," came the reply. Allowed to enter the inner sanctum was Ben Bernanke. "I'm here to help you run the printing press," he said.

And thus was born the famous act of Mackerel & Meathead.

"While Bernanke was a Federal Reserve Board member, he gave a speech on Nov. 21, 2002 titled, 'Deflation: Making Sure "It" Doesn't Happen Here.' This timeline is significant, as the FOMC became concerned about deflation shortly after this speech and pushed the federal funds rate down to 1% in June 2003 to thwart that threat." (Suttmeier, Richard. "Ben Bernanke: The Gradualist Fed Chairman." http://www.thestreet.com/_googlen/comment/richardsuttmeier/10252929.html)

The NASDAQ had crashed! Things looked bad! Wearing carpet slippers and accountant's visors, both Mackerel and Meathead paced to and fro, down in de basement. "Oh dear, oh dear. Whatever shall we do?" they mumbled. Then The Meathead got an idea. "I know!" he suddenly shouted. "We can print lots of new dollars!" Whirrr... Ka-klang... Whirrr... Ka-klang... went the printing press.

But once the billions in new paper had been distributed, The Mackerel began to feel anxious. "What if it becomes obvious we have been printing dollars?" he wondered. "Not to worry," answered The Meathead. "We will just raise the interest rates and slow things down."

Still The Mackerel was uneasy. "Raising rates could crash some different asset bubble. Then we'd have to print even more dollars."

This difficulty troubled The Meathead greatly. He tossed and turned in bed at night, preoccupied in his mind. And then he had a new idea.

"The second interesting speech given by Bernanke was on May 20, 2004, titled 'Gradualism.' This speech set up the measured pace rate hikes that began on June 30, 2004." (Suttmeier, op. cit.)

In the middle of the night, The Meathead phoned The Mackerel. "I've got it!" exulted Meathead. "We can raise the rates gradually!" A big smile widened across Mackerel's mouth. The problem was solved!

Now sad to say, this wonderful duo of Mackerel & Meathead will be splitting up. The Mackerel is retiring, accompanied by widespread accolades from the mainstream press. One author, Bob Woodward, has even written a hagiography in tribute, called simply, Mackerel.

But The Mackerel has had one last idea. (Or was it The Meathead's idea?) The M3 window shades shall be pulled low, blocking outside view of what's happening, down in de basement. However, if you listen carefully, you might still distinguish a muffled sound: Whirrr... Ka-klang... Whirrr... Ka-Klang!

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Conspiracy Nation
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