(Conspiracy Nation, 09/11/05)
-- In an underground parking garage beneath the Washington Post
building, late at night, a high-level source gave the lowdown on what
had really happened.
"George W. Bush was not in Crawford, Texas, in late August," he
said. "One of his doubles was there, to fool the public. Bush was at a
super-secret command center, in northernmost Alaska."
What do they call this super-secret command center?
"It is called the Fortress Of
Solitude. Those old superman comic books were more than child
entertainment. What is 'The Superman'?
Think about it. The Superman is, in other words, the Nietzchean Overman."
"At the Fortress of Solitude," he continued, after glancing
nervously around, "they hide the advanced technology. At this point, it
is more powerful than anyone imagines! It
can control the weather!"
"Cindy Sheehan, a deep-cover agent, was activated so as to focus all
eyes on Crawford, Texas. She bolstered the illusion that 'Dubya' Bush
was in Crawford."
"The plan was to create a unifying event, in some ways similar to
September 11th, 2001. Notice how the timing for New Orleans and for
9/11 coincide. In both cases, a shocking event occurs about 10 months
after the election."
A car engine started down in the underground garage. The high-level
source pulled me behind a pillar.
"It was feared that Jesse Jackson might get wise to what was up and
blow the whistle on it. They had to get him out of the country somehow.
So the Reverend Pat Robertson came up with a clever plan. He would,
unbelievably, urge the assassination of Hugo Chavez, publicly, before a
television audience. Think about it: Do you really think Pat Robertson
is that stupid? It was all part of a wider plan."
"Jesse took the bait, and flew down to Venezuela."
"It all was proceeding according to plan. George W. Bush -- the real Dubya Bush -- was in the
Fortress of Solitude, at the controls of the Hurricane Underlying Guidance System, or
HUGS, for short. That is one of
their little inside jokes, by the way: 'HUGS not DRUGS.' That is
because John Kerry and the Democrats control their own counter-system,
the Democrat Reverse Underlying
Guidance System, or DRUGS,
for short."
"John Kerry and the Democrats did not want it all happening again,"
continued the source. "They did not want the nation to unite behind a
cause, as they did after the 9/11 event. So, while Bush steered
Hurricane Katrina toward New Orleans with the HUGS system, John Kerry, from a deep
basement beneath the Skull and Bones building at Yale, steered
Hurricane Katrina away from New Orleans with the DRUGS system."
So it was HUGS versus DRUGS?
"Exactly so," confided the source. "Bush wanted another catastrophic
event to define his second term. This time, its theme was to be
seemingly humanitarian, 'a kinder, gentler America.'"
"Kerry and the Democrats did not want another catastrophe to give
Bush a second carte blanche,
allowing him to do as he pleased."
But the Democrat Reverse Underlying Guidance System won out, didn't
it? It steered the hurricane away from New Orleans, at the last minute.
The source's eyes flashed fire. "And that is where the Bush cabal
achieved its master stroke," he whispered excitedly. "Just when the
Democrats were lulled into a false sense of security, a stand-by team
of divers under the command of Daddy Bush, Dubya's father, hidden on a
barge near New Orleans, went into action. They planted explosives at
the levee, then smashed the barge into the levee to hide what had
really happened."
"The levee broke, and the plan succeeded."
"This New Orleans catastrophe will give billions of dollars to
companies like Halliburton. It will launch the 'kinder, gentler
America' scheme, supposedly humanitarian but really 'friendly fascism.'
The only thing that went wrong was that Dubya Bush was delayed at the
Fortress of Solitude for about a week, thereby appearing negligent in
the face of disaster."
"At the Fortress of Solitude, the HUGS system inadvertantly caused a
deep freeze in northernmost Alaska. All flights out were impossible for
several days. So Bush's look-alike double in Crawford had to continue
playing president in the midst of events. He, of course, could not act
decisively. This, in the short term, has hurt Dubya's image. But in the
long term, the plan has succeeded."
(Preceding has been a satire, not to be taken literally.)
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Conspiracy Nation
http://www.shout.net/~bigred/cn.html