New York Evicted From Union

(Conspiracy Nation, 03/19/08) – In an ironic twist to the housing crisis, New York itself has been evicted from the Union of States. The sheriff has posted notice at the border: New York: Eviction Notice. The eviction applies to the New York City metropolis, including parts of New Jersey (NY-Metro), and not to the overall state. Furthermore, signs have begun appearing in the remaining 49 states: “New York Times: Not Wanted.” This expresses the general wish that New York will stop exporting its crummy newspaper. (Further background: “New York? What's That??” http://www.shout.net/~bigred/NYWhat.html)

People from the other 49 states say they are tired of always having to bail out New York metro from its constant crises. As far as money goes, Illinoisans, for one, are considering using a new currency backed by corn. Some may laugh at this, but, says one Illinoisan, “Hey, at least it's backed by something!”

An underground newspaper in the New York metro region has been telegraphing vital information from the financial metropolis. The information is coded so that casual readers cannot understand it. The cryptology staff here at Conspiracy Nation has however deciphered some of the contents and a translation is here provided.

It now seems that Ben Bernanke, chief of the “Federal” Reserve, may not be a “back door man” after all. It had previously been theorized that a “Heist Gang” had been operating of late. (“Hanky-Panky On Wall Street”, http://www.shout.net/~bigred/HankyPanky.html). While a marching band accompanied Eliot Spitzer at the front of “Fed” HQ and distracted attention, Bernanke opened the back door and let in J.P. Morgan. Loot was removed from the vaults and replaced with sacks of worthless mortgage-backed securities. But a full-page advertisement in yesterday's Wall Street Journal (WSJ) leads to the conclusion that Ben Bernanke has merely been a naïve dupe in the possible “Heist Gang” operation.

“Please: DON'T PUT GARBAGE in the FEDERAL RESERVE” headlines the aforementioned full-page ad, addressed prominently to “Mr. Ben Bernanke”. The cryptology staff has deciphered the overall message and interprets same as follows: “Many AAA mortgage bonds are actually extremely high risk...” Tricky fine-print in trust indentures and servicing agreements “effectively transfers funds that really should belong to the AAA securities to the junior securities.” So Bernanke may think he holds collateral, but he really holds worthless crap. So-called “first mortgage syndicated bank loans” issued since about 2004 are “routinely garbage.” But “the Fed has little more understanding of the stench of the garbage than many of the current owners who bought all these debt instruments issued since about 2004.” (WSJ, March 18, 2008, p. A5)

So this indicates Bernanke might be just naïve and not knowingly in on any “Heist Gang” operation. How could such a learned man be so ignorant? Anyone who has known professors will not be surprised. They are not noted for common sense, as in the absent-minded professor type.

An opinion piece in yesterday's Wall Street Journal encapsulates the past week's Bear Stearns Granny Wolf tale. (“My, what sharp teeth you have, Grandma.”) “As for J.P. Morgan and CEO Jaimie Dimon,” explains the WSJ, “remind us to have him negotiate our next contract.” J.P. Morgan, the Wolf of Wall Street, swallowed up Bear Stearns whole. Ben Bernanke amounts to a country bumpkin. He is like Jack, trading the cow for some magic beans. WSJ nervously hopes Bernanke has done “due diligence” on the quality of the collateral, but the abovementioned ad shows he has not. The egghead has been snookered. (Partial reference, “Bear Naked Lenders,” WSJ, March 18, 2008, p. A22)

In a further ironic twist, consequent to NY-Metro being evicted from the Union, NY-Metro has declared Civil War against us. But get this: NY-Metro is fighting not to secede, but to be allowed back in. Eliot Spitzer had been serving eviction papers on NY-Metro. He wanted to evict them from the state of New York. But southern sympathizers (south of Albany) turned the tables on Spitzer. And now these same confederates of shady finance are maneuvering against the Union.

(Some statements satirical. Not all above statements literally true.)

Conspiracy Nation

http://www.shout.net/~bigred/cn.html