Ominous Signs

Image: Andy Kaufman

(Conspiracy Nation, 5/26/04) -- Portents of imminent upheaval have become increasingly manifest following May 4th, when Jupiter stopped going retrograde. Dim inklings of a momentous change first were noticed by Conspiracy Nation about a year ago.

About a year ago, comedian Bob Hope passed away. The headlines proclaimed, "Hope dies." At that time, Conspiracy Nation chalked up the double entendre of "Hope dies" to a mere coincidence.

However, after Johnny Cash's death, when the newspapers ran the story as "Cash dies," an unease was felt here at the offices of Conspiracy Nation.

Soon after Jupiter stopped going retrograde, news broke that supposedly deceased comedian Andy Kaufman might not be dead after all. Leaving to one side the question of whether Kaufman did or did not die on May 16, 1984, the symbolic

   "He has risen."
resurrection of Andy Kaufman, paired with the almost simultaneous birth of a rare white buffalo, cannot escape the special notice of this editor.

The Arizona Republic newspaper, in a recent article, reports that, in Flagstaff, the owners of a bison herd were surprised "to find one of their rare white buffaloes had given birth to something even rarer: a white calf."

Cherokee elder Darrel Whitewolf is alarmed. "White Buffalo Calf Woman has returned," he suggests. "It has been brought to my attention that the elders at this time are preparing the last ceremonies. The 'Hopi' who have no word in their vocabulary for the future and are preparing to go underground. The 'Ojibwa' and the 'Lakota' are saying that we are at the end. They say and I quote 'Go back and tell the people it is no longer the eleventh hour.'"

Also resigned to impending fate is comedian Rodney Dangerfield, reportedly smoking pot and waiting for death. ("Gone to Pot," by Erik Hedegaard. Rolling Stone magazine, 6/10/04)

The Conspiracy Nation editor is not an "Indian" (a.k.a. Native American), so he cannot lean on the wisdom of aboriginal culture. But here is a riddle for you: the Conspiracy Nation editor is not an indian, yet at the same time, the Conspiracy Nation editor is a redman.

In The Wise Sayings of the Redman Elders, it is written: "Hope and Cash shall die. Then will the white buffalo be born from the white buffalo and the fool shall rise from the dead. The African shall fend off the gay, yet shall in turn be fended off. The Memorial Rapture will startle many. In the midst of troubles, the exiled king shall restore the land."

"In the midst of troubles, the exiled king shall restore the land." Neither John Forbes Kerry nor George W. Bush will be the next president of the United States. The next president will be a man who has proven experience dealing with energy crises. It will be impossible to re-elect this man in 2008. The next U.S. president, "coincidentally," was prominent during Andy Kaufman's heyday. Who is this exiled king? Jimmy Carter.

Carter, exiled after one term in office, cannot legally be re-elected in 2008: hence there is a safeguard that he will only serve four years. Just as Andy Kaufman has symbolically risen from the dead, Jimmy Carter will arise from political exile. There is not a better feasible choice than the statesman-like Carter.

"Welcome back, Carter."

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