Sports-O-Plenty Saturday
(Conspiracy Nation, 10/20/07) – The blue team is plotting yardage and the red team says, “Defense.” It is Sports-O-Plenty Saturday.
Quarterback Ben Bernanke had sent a “Hail Mary pass” in the last game. The Dow-Jones fans went wild. Sports writers are divided whether he can do it again. The score is down by 367 points. Monday morning quarterbacks are unsure how to call the October 22nd game.
On the gridiron, the blue team had fumbled the ball with a General Betray-Us play. But the red team lost ground with a Phony Soldiers “rush” up the middle.
In the stands, there is suspicious liberal thinking. Some fans try to see both sides. Red team cheerleader Rush Limbaugh is aghast. “How can you support both teams?” he wonders.
Aspiring quarterback Hillary Clinton reads the red team. She adjusts her plays by what they do. Wide receiver Barack Obama is the key. Can he connect with QB Hillary and score big points? “Believe in Blue” is the rallying cry for a team and a city ready to believe that there is nothing this once-downtrodden program cannot accomplish.
The red team is disorganized at this point. Various quarterbacks contend for the top spot. Coach Newt advises conciliation.
The mistakes and failures were numerous, but the craziness was just beginning. The game's final few minutes offered enough errors in judgment to last a full season.
In the crucial Iraq game, fans complain the referees are biased. The Bad Guys Team keeps running dirty plays but the “refs” turn a blind eye. The Good Guys Team, however, keeps getting penalized for minor technicalities.
Commenting on the sports frenzy, a prominent figure in the hedge fund industry foresees offensive pass interference. We are heading for a “doozy of a recession,” stated Julian H. Robertson Jr.
The team's losses were unnerving to investors shaken by a week of write-offs at major banks and the surging price of crude oil. But the bankers, fortified with the weighty armor of trick plays, may pull off an upset. If so, the bankers will have earned the triumph and Dow-Jones fans will be able to breathe a lot easier down the stretch.
Sports Czar Dubya Bush giggled and grinned while discussing events. He was talking about the forthcoming match-up between Iran and Israel. Several U.S. players have been drafted into the game. Metaphorically calling the big game “World War III,” Sports Czar Bush commented, “But this -- we got a leader in Iran who has announced that he wants to destroy Israel. So I've told people that if you're interested in avoiding [grinning] World War III [end grinning], it seems like you [begin giggling] ought to be interested in preventing them from have the knowledge [end giggling] necessary to make a nuclear weapon.” Bush was referring to secret plays having a “nuclear” capability.
One sports fan has grown weary of all the excitement, however. Sitting in the stands, possibly influenced by suspicious liberal thinking, Robert Redford stated, “Oh, I get it! It really is just a game.”
But gladiators were not amused. The Scarlet Knights should have been able to breathe a lot easier down the stretch. Instead, a fuzzy-thinking fan had grown bored by it all.
Sports Czar Bush assessed the situation. “The biggest thing we have going for us is confidence. Only just believe,” he urged. “The guys leading us believe we can win these big games. Now we’re going out there knowing we can compete with these teams and that we can win.”
Sports-O-Rama Nation