“Way Gone” Stock Lingo

(Conspiracy Nation, 07/27/07) – Who knows where the stock market is headed? As Max Cohen said, in the film “Pi”, “I know these numbers. They're going down. Down.” For a mathematician, Max Cohen was a fairly cool hep cat. Also “way, way gone” is the lingo used by financial analysts.

According to that days market direction, the stock analysts appear in evening news reports using incredibly inventive terms. Their supreme guru is Ben “Bongos” Bernanke, Daddy Cool himself. If the Dow is upbeat, the cool cats adjust their prose to that tempo. On the Dow downbeat days, creative surges are in a minor key.

“The [Dow] breakout has become a fake-out,” rhymed Paul Nolte of Hinsdale Associates. This beatnik-ism reverberated in tune to the Dow's recent summit of 14,000, which had seemed to be a breakout but has, for now, lost its erection.

The “Benchmark Index” (“way, way gone,” dude), is below the “June Low” and signifies a “Red Flag.” (“Go, man, go!”)

The “Multimonth Progression” and people “Selling Into Strength” informs the declining participation, rapped Louise Yamada, of the noted improv band, “Louise Yamada Technical Research Advisers.”

Swing Daddy Cleveland Rueckert, accompanied by a mellow saxaphone, wowed the crowd with his “S&P 500 Moving Average” riff. “The 200-day Moving Average has got me down. I say, the 200-day Moving Average has got me down. The swoon makes me want to pack my bags and leave the town.”

In an encore, Yamada cut loose with an exceptional number, “Oversold Readings.”: “Don't buy into oversold. We have moved to the sidelines. Do not catch a falling sword. Selling pressure is the word.”

(Source: “Doubt Overwhelms Stocks,” by Bill Barnhart. Chicago Tribune, July 27, 2007)

Caveat lector: The preceding is satire, and not literally true.

Conspiracy Nation

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