Bring Back The "Weather Babes"

(Conspiracy Nation, 02/14/06) -- In the not distant past, before the feminist oppression, there was "the weather babe," also known as "the weather bunny." She'd typically be some cute gal doing a "dumb blonde" routine while forecasting the weather. Life is hard enough without inaccurate weather forecasting adding to the burden. At least the weather bunny made things enjoyable. She, unfortunately, has been exiled consequent to the feminist oppression. Replacing the weather babes of yore are self-important windbags using "mysterious science" as their prop. They are "so scientific" yet nonetheless only as accurate as the heretofore weather bunny. Notice how the current humbugs are always pausing in their delivery, like soothsayers looking into a crystal ball.

Later, of course, after you have unfortunately heeded the windbags, you get caught in the rain. How can it be raining? The "meteorologist" said nothing about rain!

The word "meteorologist" suggests planetary bodies influencing the weather. But that implies astrology and the "scientific" oppressors have banished that, as the feminist oppressors have banished the weather babes. Our ancestors, of course, were not so closed-minded: they relied on Farmer's Almanacs, for example. Astrology for centuries was seriously studied by the best minds, only to be exiled finally during the past 150-or-so years.

It was while following Mark Lerner's general daily horoscope at Yahoo that the Conspiracy Nation editor serendipitously noticed something. Lerner sometimes issued "Red Alerts" based upon overall planetary positions. This editor would consequently hunker down for "psychic storms" only to find them not materializing. What did frequently materialize, however, were noticeable weather events. Could planets influence weather?

This would be too much like astrology to the "meteorologists," and their "science bunny" facade would therefore be threatened. So don't expect these "scientists" to notice anything. You, however, more open-minded, are the wave of the future. So consider the progressive ideas pioneered at one web site.

The author methodically assembles data on the Sun's perhelion (Jan. 3rd) and aphelion (July 4th), along with the Moon's perigee occuring every 27.5 days. Moon phases and Sun phases coincide every 206 days, and are further affected by the 8.86 year precession rate of the moon's major axis. We know that the Moon affects the tides, but the Sun (and possibly other planets) could play a role as well.

"It has been suggested that this combination of circumstances represents not only the highest tides, but also times of increased probability of meteorological disturbances, such as Storms and Flooding events, the nature of which depends upon the season during which the peak occurs," writes the author.

Forecast

"Looking at the perigee calculator, we see that the first alignment of this winter's perigee-syzygee series will occur on February 27-8 , 2006, followed by March 29, April 27. Applying Wood's formula, we might expect repeated storm events at these times, with the most severe occuring in March and April of 2006. Note that this implies a late onset of wintery precipitation and a late spring."

This is a test of the hypothesis. It could turn out wrong (no worse than other weather forecasters). If it proves accurate, however, can we please, please, bring back the weather babes!

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Conspiracy Nation
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