(Melchizedek Communique, MC111709) At the Sunshiney Acres Rest Home, the ADL geezers have awakened from their afternoon nap and issued a startling report! "Hah! What say!? Rage Grows in America: Anti-Government Conspiracies!"

Yes, it is that time of the year again: time for another shocking Anti-Defamation League (ADL) report. (A kindly nurse wheels the wide-eyed gents into the shade, to avoid too much sun.)

As usual, ADL sees an upsurge in anti-government anxiety and militia groups, along with "birthers" claiming President Barack Obama was not born in the United States and those who suggest that the health-care reform movement is akin to the Nazi policies that led to the Holocaust. [1]

It was only last January that the Illinois Poverty Conspiracy Center (IPCS, not affiliated with the Southern Poverty Law Center) issued, via Melchizedek Communique, a similar shocking report. It had been discerned that the popular Oprah Winfrey was the clandestine leader of various "Love Groups" then emerging. "Seen were various beautiful people hugging each other, while audiences displayed fuzzy furball smiles of love. Frequently, attendants appeared giving away several love books to the audience," advised the IPCS at the time. [2]

And now, on the heels of all this, comes further alarming information, sure to make you sit up, take notice, and buy newspapers. It has been communicated to Melchizedek Communique by the Friends Of Millard Fillmore (FOMF), a benevolent society seeking to increase awareness of the 13th U.S. President, ominous portents regarding various so-called "Civil War reenactors."

The FOMF had been marvelling at newspaper reports about persons dressing up as Civil War soldiers and marching about. A precipitous rise in same had been detected. But not ADL, not SPLC, noticed the frightening fact that actual guns were being carried, in plain view, by these "Civil War reenactors."

FOMF accordingly has issued its own special shocking report: "Old Age Grows in America: Antebellum Conspiracies!" Concern is expressed on the dramatic increase in Civil War reenactors and worries are shown they could be secret societies in disguise. What if, one day, they were to load real bullets in their "vintage muskets," ponders the FOMF.

So buy lots of newspapers and watch lots of TV "news." You won't want to miss any further exciting developments between now and the weekend! Otherwise, come Saturday and the "news" machine siesta, there won't be much "news" at all!

------- Notes -------
[1] "ADL Report: Rage Grows In America", New York, NY (Vocus/PRWEB ) November 17, 2009
[2] "Emergence of Oprah Winfrey 'Love Groups," Melchizedek Communique, Jan. 23, 2009
http://www.shout.net/~bigred/mc012309.html