(Melchizedek Communique, MC120409) Ben Bernanke causes global warming.

"Federal" Reserve boss Ben Bernanke is greatly contributing to the "global warming" (alias "climate change"). With the M3 figures discontinued, MZM, the ready cash available, is relied upon by Congressman Ron Paul. He claims MZM is now escalating at an annual rate of 20 percent. The astonishing inflation of the money supply in turn will "re-heat" the economy, then the icebergs will melt, the polar bears will move south and attack us, and the H1N1 influenza will arrive sometime. (Like prosperity, it is "just around the corner.")

So you had better go shopping while you still can! And meanwhile, what does Tiger Woods know? The mystery deepens. Women everywhere are burning their bras and crying out, "Tiger Woods heated up my womb!" This in turn could cause population increase, more increase of money supply, an increase of "wash your hands" emergency stations, and then -- worst of all -- a speech by the fancy Prince Charles.

The "birthers" keep demanding, "Where is your birth certificate, Barack Obama!?" They suspect "the Bamster" was born in a foreign nation, like Japan. But little do they realize how "foreign" Obama is! He in fact is a visitor from another planet, who came to Earth with powers far beyond those of normal men. And who, disguised as a mild-mannered professor from the University of Chicago, fights a never-ending battle for change, hope, and the urgency of now!

President Barack Obama was brought here secretly by Nazi rocket scientists who relocated to the United States after World War II. These repatriated Nazi rocket scientists were the basis for the mysterious NASA organization. And NASA, it turns out, is hiding the climate data! A U.S. researcher is poised to sue NASA, demanding release of the same kind of climate data that has landed a leading British center in hot water over charges it skewed its data. (This relates to the "ClimateGate" which the newspapers have been ordered not to report.) NASA, it has been revealed, along with the Climate Research Unit, "are considered the backbone of much of the science that suggests the earth is warming due to manmade greenhouse gas emissions." ("Researcher: NASA hiding climate data", by Stephen Dinan. Washington Times, Dec. 3, 2009. http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2009/dec/03/researcher-says-nasa-hiding-climate-data/)

Yesterday, U.S. Senators, outraged by Ben Bernanke's over-heating, confronted the "Fed" chairman. The situation was "reminiscent of the display of a silverback gorilla in full bluff," reports "Aiki14" (pseudonym) at Seeking Alpha. (http://seekingalpha.com/article/176514-mr-bernanke-goes-to-washington-my-sympaties). This is as foreseen last week by Melchizedek Communique, that there would be much thumping of chests. "Congressional hearings often are more like theater than academic seminars or courtroom trials," agrees the Wall Street Journal. ("Greenspan Haunts Room", WSJ, Dec. 4, 2009)

And now looms the Copenhagen international climate meeting, beginning on or about December 7th, that date also known as "the day which shall live in infamy." Denmark is the nation which contains the city of Copenhagen. Denmark used to be called "Jutland" by the Germans because it juts up from Germany like an erect penis. The phallic symbolism is thereby indicated. Foreseen therefore is more thumping of chests.

(More chest thumping news sure to follow... Stay tuned... Wash your hands at all emergency hand-washing stations... Beware of news blackouts, especially on Saturdays.)

(Sober analysis, above, provided by Melchizedek Communique, disguised as satire to thwart the minions of Cthulhu.)